While talking with several clients recently, I noticed a theme: people have a tendency to focus on what we have and don’t want (e.g. mental and physical illness, financial stress, conflict in relationships, a stressful job, etc.) and what we don’t have and want (e.g. good mental and physical health, stable finances, healthy relationships, a satisfying job, etc.).

I never want to dismiss the discomfort and pain that these things cause people, but I believe that one way to deal with the discomfort and pain is to focus on what we do have that we want. In other words, being thankful for what we have helps us cope with what we want to get rid of and what we lack.

This time of year, when leaves are falling from trees in a symbolic letting go process and there’s a holiday to celebrate gratitude, is a great time to let go of what no longer serves us to make room for that which we want and to focus on what have are thankful for.

How to Let Go

As much as we want to get rid of certain things in our lives, it is often difficult to do so. We often find ourselves ruminating over the things that don’t make us happy despite not wanting to give energy to those things.

As I’ve mentioned in prior articles, such as this one, rituals can be helpful in the following ways: they help us put feelings into action, provide us with stability and a sense of safety, and provide us with meaning. Thus, rituals can be a helpful way of ridding ourselves of unwanted things.

Here are some rituals you can try to get rid of what you don’t want:

1. Take a shower and envision washing the unwanted things away. Really picture the water taking the unwanted things off of you and down the drain.
2. Throw unwanted feelings into a garbage container. You can pretend to toss the feelings into the container or can take this idea further by writing or drawing unwanted things onto paper and then shredding or crumpling the paper into the container. You can tell the unwanted things whatever you need to in order to let them go (e.g. “Leave me alone,” “Get out of here,” or “I don’t want you around”).
3. Write down the unwanted things and burn the paper. As mentioned in the prior idea, you can tell the unwanted things whatever you need to in order to fully let them go.
4. If you have access to a river or stream, you can pick up some leaves to represent different things you want to get rid of and let them go in the water. Take each leaf one by one, identify what unwanted thing it represents, and let each one go individually in the water. As mentioned above, you can say anything you need to say to each unwanted thing if it helps you let go even more.

Please be aware that even though these types of rituals are often helpful in freeing people of unwanted things, sometimes the unwanted things and the feelings they cause come back. If that happens to you, try one of the rituals again, as it doesn’t hurt to do these rituals as many times as you need to. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional like myself for ongoing support.

Once you have cleared yourself of things that are not serving you, you make room in your life for the things that you desire.

How to Practice Gratitude

There is no single way to practice being grateful. You can simply notice and appreciate things you are thankful for, or you can do things similar to the above rituals to fully immerse yourself in gratitude.

Here are some ways to help yourself focus on the good things you have in your life:

1. Make a list of things you are grateful for. Write as many things as you can think of in the moment, and you can add more any time as you think of them.
2. Keep a gratitude journal. You can make it a goal to write in it every day, if you really want to train yourself to focus on the positives in your life. It is most helpful to write 3-5 things you are grateful for each time you write in the journal. If this feels like too much for you, you can write 1 thing per day or can write 3-5 things per week (as a way of reflecting on the good that happened during the past week).
3. As you go to sleep, focus on the things that went right during the day instead of dwelling on what went wrong, which many people have a tendency to do.
4. To savor something you are grateful for in a physical, sensory way as opposed to just thinking about it, dramatically put yourself back into the moment that you were experiencing the thing you are grateful for. For example, if you were thankful for a tasty non-dairy pumpkin spice latte with coconut whipped cream (I highly recommend going to Peet’s Coffee for one of those!) that you had one morning, you might relive the experience by taking on the posture you were in while drinking it. You might cup your hands around the imaginary cup, envision the drink and dollop of whipped cream, and bring to mind the warmth that you felt through the cup. You might also recall the taste of it as you sipped it, the feeling of the warm coffee traveling down your throat, and the feeling of being nurtured that the beverage gave you. Let yourself remember how it made you feel, both physically and mentally. Carry that happy feeling with you for the rest of the day or anytime you need it.

Keep in mind that it helps to be thankful even for the little things in life, such as a sunny day or the fact that you had a good hair day!

Give It a try

What do you think of the activities mentioned above? Do you plan to try any, or have you done any of them before? What works for you to get rid of unwanted things and to focus on gratitude? Feel free to share below.

If you would like some help dealing with unwanted things and focusing on the positive in your life, feel free to contact me to see if we’re a good fit to work together.

Also, if you are interested in letting go of unwanted things and focusing on bringing desired things into your future in a group setting, please consider attending one of my upcoming vision board workshops.